In The Midst Of Depression
by Ph.Acidity
Summary: After the recent death of his only family, Touya has become depressed. How will he cope with his feelings of lost? Au, yaoi, one-shot. Rated M just in case.


**I don't know what to make of this… I just don't. It's not really my style to write like this, but it's okay I guess. I'm not going to make another part to this so as it stands it will be a one-shot, probably the first and the last. For some reason I can't really write one-shots…**

**Please R&R, I need to know if this is valuable, in the writing style sense of course…**

**PS: This was done as a present for my friend's birthday, Cheers to them.**

* * *

It was a stormy day when she passed. The sky was overcast and no wind blew, almost as if nature, too, rejected her passing. We stood looming over what was now a body devoid of movement. It had been that way for quite a while. They made sure of that.

They say it was just food poisoning, that she was in the wrong place in the wrong time. I could possibly believe that, if there was only one.

I should have known that this could happen. I should have protected them, kept better watch over them, but I didn't and now I was standing at a viewing for my only family in the world: my sister and mother. Both of them, gone. My only wish is that they could have been here for my birthday.

"Touya…" The priest whines. "We need to wrap this up. We have a wedding today too."

I glance at him. How can he rush me? When my only family, my life-line, has died? "Just give me a few more minutes." I finally reply. He nods.

I look around, noticing the severe lack of people. Matter of fact, I'm the only one here. I sigh, adjust my mother's flowers and my sister's hair bow, and tell them that I'm done.

As I leave a group of men lower them into the ground.

I return to my apartment. It's the place I've been calling home for the time being. It's all I've got now. I sit down at the table and let my head hit it softly. I bit my lip to keep myself from crying, but I can't stop it, and soon I'm sobbing myself to sleep.

I awake the next morning. Remembering that I have to work, I glance at the clock. It's 7:30, which means I'm going to be late. Since there's no way around it, I take my time getting there.

Work is gray, boring, and dull. People avoid me. I was never super-social, but the few acquaintances I have made are merely that and don't have the knowledge of me to know how to cheer me up.

So there I sit, slowly spinning my chair from side to side, until my boss, the only one with guts enough approach me, ask me if I'm doing okay.

We never talk unless I shirking work or look depressed, must be the latter, because when I don't respond beyond looking up at her, she sighs.

"You should take the rest of the day off." She tells me. She pats my shoulder before walking away.

I don't go straight home. I head to the park and sit on a bench watching people as they walk by.

Some are walking, while others are jogging, but all look generally happy. I can't stand to be in such an optimistic place, so I go home.

I end up sitting at my table, staring at my Reuniclus doll. I left my real one at the battle subway, where it helps Ingo and Emmet run the trains. I fell connect to it through the doll, almost like I can feel it's presence in it.

I wake up the next day. This time I woke up on time so I won't be late. I shower, brush my teeth, get dressed for work, and as I'm leaving my apartment, I see the doll, still on the kitchen table. I feel bad for leaving it there all night so I decide to take it to work with me. I place it in my hood before heading off.

I get funny looks on the train. I ignore them. As I walk from the train station to my job I get strange looks. I feel agitated. I get strange looks on the way to the elevator, and I feel annoyed. I finally make it to my desk. I lean back in my chair, log in and start my work for today.

The doll helped a lot. I don't feel totally better but it helped me focus enough to do my work, although it seems to be distracting others.

I leave early because I'm finished with all my work. People stare at me as I go, probably questioning my comeback and blaming the doll for it.

On the street, I make my way to the bakery. My birthday is coming up and I want to make sure my cake is ready in time.

I decide that I want my cake to be plain, nothing to fancy or extravagant. I also decide that from now on I'm going to honor my mother and sister on my birthday.

I hear a chime go off as I enter the bakery, but no one greets me. It's pretty busy so that could be the reason why. Who would go out of their way to greet one person in a shop full of many? I wait in line and soon it's my turn.

I find myself staring at a book full of cake designs. Even though I decided I wanted nothing special, the cashier convinced me otherwise. Met with all these choices, I soon ask what Reuniclus thinks. Of course it doesn't answer but the question was more for myself anyway.

No one says anything about it, so I take it as them not hearing and just order. They give me a ticket I need to bring when I come to get the cake. I pay and then I leave, heading for home. Only I notice that no matter which street I turn onto, there's always someone behind me.

I test this. I circle a building, glancing behind me at each corner, and notice that it is the same person. I try to ignore it and tell myself they're just going the same way. I head for home and the person follows.

The sun is beginning to set when I make it to the street that holds my apartment. I tried to shake my follower before I got here, but to no avail, they still trailed along behind me. I wonder about why they could be following and stop myself before I jump to conclusions.

I stop and turn to face my pursuer, before I reach my apartment. They almost run it me but stop short. They now stand arm's length from me.

"Hello," They greet quickly. "You're probably wondering why I'm following you; I was wondering that a bit myself too. I couldn't help but notice you at the bakery and I decided that I wanted to talk to you, so I followed you, since I didn't know if it was normal to just walk up to someone on the street and say hello or if you actually had a pretense of talking to the person-"

I stop listening, and despite all my instincts telling me no, I shouldn't show him where I live. I walk up to my apartment unlock the door and slam it in his face. I flop down on the couch, and try to go to sleep but I can still hear him rambling outside.

I fall asleep listening to their chatter.

He's gone when I was up in the morning. I can't hear him and I even check in the hallway to make sure he's not camping out. I smile for the first time this week.

I get to work early today, and bring my doll again. People are still giving me strange looks but I try to ignore them.

I leave work early again. I seem to be able to do my work faster nowadays. I head home making sure to steer clear of the bakery. My follower isn't back, so that's good.

I make it home and lay on the couch. Thinking of why he was following me. He said he wanted to say hello, so maybe he wants to be friends. Maybe I should be friends with him. I fall asleep before my thoughts continue.

I wake up early. Get to work early and finish early. So I can take the rest of the day off. So I decide to take Reuniclus on a tour of the city. Only problem is, when you tour the city talking to a doll, it's kind of hard not to be noticed. By the end of the day, I have a small fan club of people. Most of them are just watching me and some others are actual tourists. When I'm done telling about the legend of Unova's legendary dragons, I'm met with a round of applause.

I blush at how many people we actually listening to me.

Many walk away after that, commenting on how I've given them the best tour possible. The group disbands, and I begin to walk away, but I notice one person still watching me, the man who followed me. I sigh, knowing exactly what's coming. I slow my pace a bit and he catches up with me.

"Hello," He greets again. I glance at him, acknowledging that he's there.

"I saw you watching me," I add, shortly after.

"Yes, I was watching you. You give very good tours you know, you know the city very well, maybe you should consider becoming a tour guide. You'd be very good at it. I would certainly pay to watch you give tours,-"

We've made it to my apartment, and he follows me up. Waits as I unlock the door and watches as I close it in his face. He continues talking like normal, so I try to blank him out by listening to some music.

I quickly get bored of that, and as I'm taking out my head phones I hear him yawn. He tells me good night before walking away. I then decide to go to sleep.

I wake up the next day. I don't have to go to work, since I finished all my work for today yesterday. So I decide to sit at home and watch TV. I hear a knock and I go to answer it.

I see my friend, minus his white hat, standing there waiting for me. "Hello," He greets. I take in his green hair and his height, clearly marked by how his head can touch the top of the door frame.

I close the door in his face, but he doesn't leave. "I didn't see you go to work today, so I got concerned and came to see if you were all right." I open the door and glare at him. Why is he always following me? He doesn't budge and his expression doesn't falter so I close the door in his face again. "It's nice to see you, I have to go now but I'll be back to check on you." And with that he finally leaves me in peace.

I turn off the TV and hug my pillow. All I can think about is why won't he leave me alone?

He and his ramblings are back by noon. He tells me a lot I never knew about myself, like how I lead with my left foot, and how I never carry anything to work with me; like a briefcase. That much he could tell from watching me for a few days but then he starts saying things that let me know how long he's been watching me.

He tells me about how I hold my pinkie out slightly when I eat ice cream, how I used to never get off work early, how I used to tend to take the stairs, and how I go to the bakery around the same time every year.

He's gone before I have a chance to say anything.

He's back at six, and I can smell the aroma of whatever he has with him. "I'm back," He announces, even though he told me earlier he'd be here. "I've brought something for you."

I feel bad taking food from a stranger, so I rifle through the fridge to find something to eat. Unfortunately, I find nothing and I retreat to the couch empty-handed, and stomach growling.

I could always go get myself something to eat. I could go grocery shopping, but he'll follow and the idea of walking around a grocery store with him tagging along doesn't sound very appealing.

It's a hard decision to make, but I let him in.

He stands awkwardly glancing around at first, but then I ask him if he wants something to drink. "Tea." He responds, so I start some water.

Soon we're both sitting at the table, he's going on about how nice my apartment is while I'm trying to keep form staring at his bags of food. I settle for staring at the floor, but there's no way I can hide the smell.

"So what's your name?" He asks, mid-sentence.

I stare at him for a moment, wondering if I should actually give it to him. "Touya," I reply.

"That's a nice name," Is the first thing that comes out of his mouth. He doesn't tell me his name, just continues on rambling until the tea is done, and then the only time he is quiet is when he is taking a sip. He sips his tea gingerly, and when his first cup is done he asks for more. I pour him another cup and he hands me a hamburger.

It's long overdue in my mind. I've let him in, for one, I've given him tea for two, and then I tolerated him for over an hour in which he made me sit and smell his food while he sipped on tea.

I tell myself it's payback for slamming the door in his face.

Although I'm practically starving, I just nibble on the hamburger, slowly taking larger and larger bits, until it's done. He's stopped talking long enough to watch me eat. He asks if I want another, and I nod but feel self-conscious about it.

He continues watching me until I finish it. He then pushes a bag over to me. "Help yourself."

He has two bags and I'm not really concerned if he's eaten, since he probably has. So I gobble down the two hamburgers in that bag. He's eating with me now but still watching. I still feel self-conscious, and I can't place the reason why.

After he finishes, he gets up and tells me that he needs to get going.

I wish him a good night.

He nods, smiles, and tells me he'll be back in the morning.

I mentally curse myself.

Sure enough he's back in the morning. While I'm drinking warm milk and watching the news I hear a knock on the door. I open it and it's him. I let him inside, doubtful that he would try anything after I finally began trusting him last night.

I tell him I'll be ready to go in a minute. He looks at me confused. I set my milk on the counter and go to my bedroom to change my clothes. When I come back my mug is empty.

I ignore this fact, and simply place the Reuniclus doll in my hood before announcing I was ready to go. He didn't say anything. So I left my apartment and he followed, all the way to the outskirts of the city.

He gave me a confused look, but I keep walking on to the train station. The exact place I started my tour with Reuniclus. There were some people standing around, most taking pictures, but when I walked up I took total attention of the crowd. "This is the Unovian train station," I began. "It was built in…"

My group size increased for a meager one person and a doll to about 50. I commanded attention everywhere I went; people listened to me, for once, because I knew what I was saying. The lines were all rehearsed, so natural and easy for me to say. People even joined my group from other, paid for tours.

When my tour ended in front of the Unova, city hall, I had a group of about 100. "…and that is how Unova came to be a democracy." I ended, and my group clapped, drawing attention from nearby buildings and the street. Then they all departed, leaving me with my original group.

He walked up to me when I was done. "I liked your tour." He said, holding out a pastry for me.

I took it and bit into it, mumbling a thank you. We walked back to my apartment, as I listened to him ramble on.

When we got to my apartment I let him inside and made us another cup of warm milk. We settled down at the kitchen table as he talked about the day.

"-And my favorite part was when we were at the ice cream factory. You seemed really in tune with the environment there…"

I nod. I know I'm not much on conversation, but he normally kept it up and when he didn't it meant I was supposed to add something more than a nod. "I don't know why, that place gives me the chills." It's meant to be a joke but he doesn't catch on until I laugh myself.

"Oh, I see now. Chills." He looks at the clock before relaying to me that he has to go, though he doesn't tell me when he'll be back.

I try not to let it worry me.

The next day, I sit around the house waiting for him to show up, but he doesn't and after a while I get bored and decide to go give a tour with Rei.

When I'm done I head immediately back to my apartment. I see him standing in front of the door, waiting for me. He smiles, greets me, and hands out a bag of food to me. I smile back and let him inside, see as he brought breakfast. I eat in silence, while he chatters on about a book he's been reading.

He leaves after a short while. So I stay and wait for him.

At six o'clock I decide that I'm going to starve and make dinner just in case he doesn't come. Then I retreat back to the couch to watch TV and wait. At seven he shows up, and he doesn't have anything with him, but I let him inside anyway. He sits at the table as I make him and myself a plate.

He thanks me before and after eating. He doesn't leave and I don't kick him out, so after a while of him looking around awkwardly I go to sit on the couch. He follows hesitantly. He stands off to the side of the couch, watching me. "You don't mind my being here," He says after a while. I glance at him quizzically.

"Oh, I just thought that I was disturbing you, normally I leave before now, but I'm still here. So I was wondering if you minded my being here and if you do I'm very willing to leave-

I shake my head and he stops talking. He doesn't get what I mean so I pat the spot next to me on the couch. He doesn't hesitate to sit down. So there we sit, watching TV., until I slowly drift off.

I wake up in my bed and he is nowhere to be seen. So I get ready for work and just as I'm walking out the door I see him sleeping on the couch. I don't bother waking him up, but I do toss a blanket over him since he looks cold.

I finish before noon again today, so I give another tour to pass the time. Then I go to the grocery store to buy something to eat.

When I step back into my apartment, he awake and watching TV. There's not much to do in here besides that.

"Hello," He greets, yawning.

I toss a 'hey' back but he has nothing more to say. So I start making dinner, and once he catches wind of what I'm doing, he comes to sit at the kitchen table.

I feel him watching me, but I try to ignore it. "You like to cook, don't you?" He asks. I can hear the sleep in his voice but I don't question it.

"It's a hobby," I reply, and I'm right. Cooking is a hobby, much like giving tours…

He yawns again, and slowly he works his way back up to rambling. He doesn't stop after dinner, either. He continues rambling on the couch taking about how, television became colorized, he even rambles himself to sleep… right on my couch.

I say nothing. I just turn off the TV and retire for the night.

Things continue like this for a while and I wonder if this is going to become a norm in my life, eating dinner with a man whose name I don't even know, watching him fall asleep on the couch… It seems so normal now…

It takes one question for me to realize how normal it feels.

"So, Touya? Have any plans tonight?" It's a simple question.

"I'm having dinner with a friend." I instantly reply.

"You said that last time I asked." Barry's right, I did.

"That's because I was, just like I am now." I say to him.

"So who is this friend anyway?" He asks, and you attempt to avoid the question but Barry pushes it.

"No one special, I just cook dinner for him." I say, like it's nothing big.

"Sounds like someone special if you cook dinner for them."

I shake my head. "No, just a friend."

Barry leans in closer to me. "So you won't mind going out with me tonight then?" He purrs.

"Sorry, Barry. Maybe so other time." I tell him.

"How about Friday?" He asks, tone gone.

"Sure." I say nodding.

I go straight home and cook dinner.

During a commercial I tell him of how I plan to go out on Friday. He just nods and says okay.

He doesn't talk to me much the next day, which I've taken off so I can go to the doctor. I think maybe he's worried about me. He asks about the doctor's visit but after that he falls silent.

I decide I'm not in the mood for TV and just go to bed, he does the same.

On Friday, He's very distant. He doesn't say very much and I ask him if he feels good.

"I feel fine." He replies, still sounding distant.

As I'm further inspecting him, my hand brushes his and I feel a real connection in between me and the man who sleeps on my couch.

I push the feeling away and go on the outing with Barry.

We return to my apartment, I had fun but I'm trying to get rid of him now. He insists on seeing my apartment so I take him up. The TV's on when we walk in and while I ignore it, Barry's on high alert.

Barry instantly notices him sitting on the couch. "Who's he?" Barry asks.

"Oh that's my friend." And I give a little wave and he waves back.

"You said you have dinner with him, not that he lives with you!" Barry practically yelled.

"What's the difference?" I ask.

"Touya, eating dinner with someone is different than living with someone." Barry replies.

I think about this. Barry is absolutely right; living with someone is completely different than having dinner with them. "Then I'm glad I don't live with you." I say before I kick him out. Then I go retire on the couch.

He's eating popcorn. I want to ask for some but I find no way to address him. I sigh, and turn to him. "You never told me your name."

"You never asked." He replies.

"So what is it?" I ask, eyeing the bowl of popcorn.

"N."

"So… N., do you mind if I have some popcorn?" N. holds the bowl out to me, and I take and handful.

The next day I don't have work so I slip onto the couch and help myself to N.'s blanket. He doesn't seem to mind. After an hour he sits up and watches TV with me. He rambles on a bit, and then tells me he has to go. I nod and see him out.

He doesn't come back though, and I try not to worry.

The next day, I get up; check outside and I see he isn't there. I think about watching TV, but decide that I should go look for him. I tell myself it's not because I'm worried about him.

I make it to the bakery before I realize that I have a cake that will be ready today. I look around for N. but he is nowhere to be found. I decide I'll come back later to get the cake.

I check all the places he could be. The train station, Unova city hall, but he's nowhere to be found. I head back to the bakery, get my cake and take it home.

I sit gloomily at the table, staring at the cake. I wonder if he'll be here, or if he even knows it's my birthday? Around six I hear a knock on the door and I go to open it. It's N.

He smiles and pushes and bundle of flowers into my hands. "Happy birthday!" He cheers.

I smile and let him in.

We sit at the table, discussing things. Like how I don't have that many friends. "I don't have any friends though; nobody seems to want to talk to me." N. says, looking at his hands.

"You want some cake?" I ask him after a long pause. He nods so I cut him a piece. I watch him as he eats but he doesn't seem to notice.

"I was wondering… if you would mind… going out with me tomorrow," I catch his eye. "Not like a date or anything…" He rambles on. "I wouldn't ask you out on a date, not that you aren't attractive or anything, unless you wanted to go on a date! Then I would have no problem asking… it's just that-"

I nod and he stops talking. He stares at me with confused look on his face. "I wouldn't mind." I say as I offer him another piece of cake.

Happiness blooms over his face. He takes the slice of cake, finishes it, and says that he has to go, but he'll be back early tomorrow.

I hear a knock on the door early the next day. I answer it and it's N. "Hello, are you ready to go?" He asks, I nod and he leads me through the city. He shows me a lot of things he knows about, like how the city hall was repainted to reflect what Unovians thought was 'their way of life'.

We stop late in the afternoon and get some hot chocolate; then we head back to my apartment. I'm laughing at a joke he just told when something hits me. "N.?" He turns to me, a smile still on his face. "Where do you live?"

His smile drops and he scratches the back of his neck. "You see, I actually don't have a place to stay…" He tells me. "I'm not causing problems am I? I can go if you want me to, I just like-"

I hand him a key to my apartment.

"What's this?" He asks.

"A key." I reply.

"To…" I nod, and there is no end to the thanks I receive. N. grabs me up into a hug, causing me to spill my hot chocolate. I hug him back and I get a million thanks on the way back to the apartment.

Barry approaches me the next day at work. "So, Touya, how are you doing?"

I nod, before adding a 'fine'.

"And you're friend, how is he doing?" He asks.

"He's doing good."

"He's still living with you?"

I nod. "… I gave him a key to my apartment." I add. I don't know why this makes me feel guilty, but it does.

"Oh," Barry mutters before walking away.

When I get home, I find N. chewing on a piece of my cake. "Thank you again for the key," I nod. I reach to get a pot when N. speaks up. "Oh, don't bother. I'm about to go back out."

There's many ways to interpret that, but I take it as, 'I'm going to go buy something for us'. So I sit down and we discuss what I did at work today. He leaves shortly after and returns with dinner, just like I thought.

We retire to the couch, and find an interesting show to watch. I tell him I'm going to bed and N. stands up with me. I remember that he's taller than me. He pulls me into a hug, thanks me for the key again, but after that he doesn't let me go. He holds me for another minute, and when he releases his grasp, places a kiss on my forehead.

I try to ignore it, to place it as just a friendly gesture. So I tell him good night and go to bed.

But the kisses keep coming, and I slowly find myself surrounded by them. Most are on my forehead, it's all good until he places one on my cheek. I push him away, not too hard, just enough to tell him… to stop.

He does, for a while and I can see him cracking under the pressure of not being able to kiss me. His hands shake when he's around me, and his words come out slower. One day I have to ask. "Why do you want to kiss me so badly?"

N. frowns at me, but I think it was involuntary. "I told you. I really like you." I've heard him say this before, but he's never actually finished it. I don't know what to say, so I say nothing and retreat to my bedroom.

He becomes distant. I will myself to like him, because I don't want to lose my only friend. I sit closer to him in the afternoons, try to talk more at dinner, I even try to spend more time with him.

It doesn't seem to work,… until I fall asleep on the couch one day and wake up with my head in his lap. It feels awkward at first, but I try to ignore it.

The awkwardness goes away… for a while. It comes back when we're walking through the city, hand in hand, window shopping. I have my Reuniclus doll with us too, but even the comforting feeling I get from N.'s hand can't keep me from noticing the glances.

I make up a lie so that he'll take me home.

He's cheerful and optimistic again and back to his ramblings. "Did you know the sky is blue because…" I shake my head. I didn't know that's why the sky is blue. "And the ocean is blue because it reflects the sky, and then because most bodies of water appear blue, the color became the trademark color for water. I like the blue's on your jacket, they remind me of the sky, and the deep blue of the ocean… Is that why you wear it? Because it reminds you of the ocean? What about your pants? What does the color black remind you of…?"

I don't answer because I've stopped listen far before this point.

"Touya?" He tries. "Touya? Touya?" I turn to face him, finally realizing that he was addressing me. "What does the color black remind you of?"

I shake my head because I don't want to talk about it.

"Oh, so it doesn't remind you of anything. What about the color blue?" My jacket, but he's said that, so I shake my head. "What about white?"

"Your hat."

"My hat?" He repeats.

"Yeah, the one you were wearing the day I first met you." N. pauses but slowly nods.

"Oh, I see. Ok, what about green?"

"Your hair."

"Black?" I turn to face him, with tears in my eye.

"Funerals." I get out, before I begin sobbing.

N. realizes what he's done and quiets himself. "It's okay," He says, throwing his arms around me. I want to push him away, but I can't bring myself to do it. "I'm here now," He tells me, he's here and they aren't.

The next day I feel tired and worn out. I glance at the clock. It's four o'clock. I have to go to work today, but I don't want to. I drag myself out of bed and throw some close on. It's just my usual jacket and pants, but with a black scarf.

I go out to the living room and sit on the coffee table, waiting for N. to wake up. He stirs and sits up, eying me weirdly. "What's going on?" He asks, rubbing the sleep from his eyes. I shake my head and place a fedora on his head. I then place one on mine, and lead him from our house.

I take him straight to the cemetery, ignoring the looks from passersby. The cemetery is on the outskirts of town not far from the train station. I reach the cemetery, and take N. to where they lie.

He stands next to me as we stare at the matching headstones. 'Touko B. and Mrs. B'. I feel tears sting my eyes and I don't hold them back. I clutch N.'s shirt. "Why?" I ask in between sobs.

N. doesn't answer. He holds me close, and in the comfort of his arms I find no qualm.

* * *

**This took a lot out of me, seriously. This has to be the longest 'chapter' I've ever written to date. Then again it's a one-shot. If someone doesn't get that most of the "he's" in this meant N., please tell me so I can find a way to fix it, although it doesn't really seem all that bad in my eyes, I wrote it so I know what it means.**

**PS: My favorite part is when Touya closes the door in N.'s face. I seriously considered having all of their interactions end that way.**

**Happy Birthday and I can't believe you got me to write this.**


End file.
